Send Me and Shia to Promises

With all the androgynous underage "heartthrobs" that my husband can't tell apart* out there, Shia LaBeouf has always been a welcome respite of stubble and tamed Jew-fro. He is a real guy. A guy who looks like a goofy kid from your high school that no one would date until he went to college and became an "it" boy who pulled all the hot sorority chicks. Yes, I do have a detailed life plan for Shia should he ever exit out of the business.

I've loved him since Holes and Charlie's Angels Full Throttle. And now that he's a grown-up, smoking illegally and smashing into tractor-trailers, I love him a little bit more.

Sure he plays a high school student in Transformers (best movie ever), but the kid is 22. Plenty old enough for his recent DUI. So let's stop treating him like Miley Cyrus already!

Miley Cyrus is legitimately underage, and is also a legitimate role model to rock and roll tweens and Britney Spears defectors. When she does something scandalous (an no, I do not consider showing her shoulder to her dad a scandal) it will be news.

But when a kid gets in a tussle with a drugstore clerk, or when someone of age has a few drinks, this should not be news. Celebrity DUIs are always news, I know. And I do not have a problem with anyone exposing poor little Shia's accident. But if anyone has seen the headlines polluting my Google news today, you would be feisty too.

"Shia LeBeouf: 'I Don't Know How to Have One Drink'"
"Shia LaBeouf admitted to drinking problem in magazine interview"

Good Lord people.

The kid wanted to sound like a badass in a magazine interview. He wanted to shake off any lingering Even Stevens persona and embrace his black-leather-jacket-wearing Indiana Jones side. He did not admit to having a drinking problem.

I feel like Joel McHale on The Soup when he talks about how ridiculous The Insider is when they make a story about nothing at all. IT'SREALITYSHOWCLIPTIME!!!!!!!

Ah. That was pretty therapeutic. No need for a drink. Maybe Shia needs to blog….

*While flipping through a tabloid, CinS remarked that Zach Efron wears a lot of tight pants. He flipped some more, pointed to another photo and said, "See! Tight pants!" to which I replied, "Um, that's Chace Crawford. Different guy, same pants."