You may recall that we hate our neighbors, and may even recall that in addition to the Iraq-visiting, mutton-chopped jerk next door, we also live next door to some folks who have loud sex. But what you don't know is the whole story.
While we have had frequent run-ins with the mutton-ass, his lady friend, and their poorly behaved dog, we have never seen the loud sexers. Never.
We think they may be vampires. Seriously. And not Edward Cullen, able to leave the house and function in the sun vampires, but Bill Compton, stuck under the floorboards vampires.
These folks are completely nocturnal. I know this because I hear them. CinS is quick to say that the reason we hear them is because their bed is against our shared wall and causes a ruckus, but my hearing may be better than his because I always hear her screaming. Always.
They are "active" at 9:00 when I'm putting on my robe to settle in for nice night of DVR. Then again at 12:30 when we're trying to sleep. Again at 5:00 when I'm waking up to pee. And then some more at 9:30 when I should already be at work (I was home sick one day).
It's a little nuts.
It would be kind of rad if the girl were single and dragging strangers home for loud sex all the time, but we're pretty sure that these vampire people are in a committed relationship. (Yes, CinS did put a cup up to the wall and heard the dude say I Love You) Which I suppose is admirable, but also a little gross.
It's like imagining your parents having sex. Or even your married friends.
Anyhow, the worst part about the sex vampires is that they make us feel guilty for not having constant sex at all hours. I would rather go back to bed after I pee at 5 am, but I guess that's why I still get carded at 30 while they feed off the blood of virgins.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment