Make Money in Your Pajamas!

Happy New Year dear readers! We've taken a holiday hiatus to refuel our creative fire for 09. We hope you won't be disappointed.

The last two weeks of the year are traditionally slow for business folk... actually, only office-style business folk, but since we're both officey, I naturally assume everyone else is officey, which I guess is some form of "-ist" (racist, sexist, careerist?) Well, you can tell things have been slow for me since I'm ranting within a rant, which is a sure sign that I haven't spoken to a human being for a solid 2 weeks.

I went to the office the week of Christmas, and a few others were there as well, so things weren't too depressing, but the Monday after the holiday I was the only person in the office. It was very creepy. Mildly liberating, but mostly creepy. I made the executive decision to work from home for the rest of the shortened week so I wouldn't be alone and a target for corporate takeover/gang violence.

Working from home is not for me. Especially when it's a dead week and there is little to no work to keep me occupied.

Working from Home - Day One: Tuesday
I settled into my desk with a steamy bowl of oatmeal and sat in corporate silence for about 10 minutes. It was deafening. I turned on morning TV. The Today Show makes NBC my network of choice, and I was thrilled to find Mario Cantone co-hosting the 4th hour of Today with Kathie-Lee (on vacation) and Hoda. Homosexual hilarity ensued. The channel stayed tuned, and Martha Stewart snuck up on me. I'd never seen a Martha Stewart show in my life and was surprised(?) to find her smug and un-compelling. But you know who is way worse than Martha? Guest star Terrence Howard. GOOD LORD! You are not a singer. You are an actor. Deal with it.

Working from Home - Day Two: Wednesday
So it's New Year's Eve and not much is getting done today. I have resigned to work a half day anyway. I again start my day with oatmeal and the Today Show. And guess who's back? Mario Cantone! But today, Mario and Hoda are celebrating the New Year a bit early. They are drinking champagne. Mario is clearly unconcerned about being asked back to guest host again. Boyfriend is wasted and ranting about penises on morning television. It is painful to watch Hoda drunkenly attempt to calm him down. He is then set loose on the streets of Manhattan, where he asks tourists trivia questions while unsubtly berating them. After Mario, I do not give Martha a second chance. I watch the girls of The View bicker about creationism. Happy New Year.

Working from Home - Day Three: Friday
I have no idea why my company is open today. It may not be. I work far from the corporate headquarters and am blind to things like vacation days. And if we are open today, absolutely no one from my team is working and none of my clients - even the ones who bother me on both Christmas and New Year's Eve - are around either. It is the deadest day of the year.

I started my day with some eggs. They were delicious. It got me thinking that it would be awesome if my office had a stove and if it was socially acceptable to cook eggs at work. I then remembered my 7th grade Home Ec class where the entire cooking portion of the class was dedicated to cooking in the microwave oven. I am totally serious. We made an omelet in the microwave, which sounds totally gross, but I remember being pleasantly surprised. I wonder if the microwave curriculum is still in place, or if it was more of an ode to new microwave technology than empowering tweens to cook for themselves.

After breakfast, nothing was happening. Desperate for a break from morning TV, I cleaned out my refrigerator. Pulling out the crisper drawers and washing them in the sink. Good times. I waited around the house, desperate for an email or client call, until 1pm when I made a break for it. Lucky for me, this was in the height of the day's snow. I didn't care. I needed to get the F out of my apartment. I bought some new jeans. I spent way too much time at Whole Foods. And then, as always, I had to go to the regular supermarket to get all the real groceries I can't get at Whole Foods. But don't worry Whole Foods, I'm not mad. That hippie dude you sent to my apartment with my groceries totally made up for my sliced provolone run at the Food Emporium.

Needless to say, I am really looking forward to getting back to the office on Monday. To my fellow office workers, I hope you appreciate what you have. Because no matter how crappy your job is, and no matter how little you are looking forward to Monday, I guarantee that your office is bigger than 800 square feet.