The Aged

Has anyone seen these terrifying skincare banner ads out there on the world wide web? They are the craziest banners I've ever seen. There's a haggard old woman chillin in her right-column skyscraper and then the magic of photoshop... er, the treatment in question... swoops down over the ad and suddenly she's as tight-faced and pouty as Megan Fox!

I can't tell you what the actual product is (of course I can't find the ad again... damn you Google AdSense), but I can tell you that I did click-through to an equally horrifying landing page. On the landing page, you can find Megan Foxes of every color of the rainbow, all aging and anti-aging in tandem.

If only it were this easy.

I've been suffering from Grand Canyon grooves in my forehead for years. I've also developed a new friend, my "Kikucall Line," named for my former employer. The Kikucall Line runs vertically between my eyebrows. It's probably only noticable to me and to those who watch me on HD, but I think its subtlty is because I left my job before it drilled down too deep.

I visited a Sephora for a wrinkle consult and the woman basically told me that wrinkle eradictation was hopeless, and that the only way to get rid of my grooves was Botox. After the 'tox I could stock up on creams and they would then prevent the wrinkles from returning. Hmmm.

Considering that this woman's commission is tied into hocking products, the fact that she recommended a procedure instead of a cream must mean that she is correct. Of course a stranger with little to no medical training is the foremost authority on injecting bovine particulates into someone's face. This piqued my interest.

I was on a kick for a while to get the 'tox before my wedding, but then I thought better of it. But the old 'tox craving crops up now and again. It's said to be a treatment for migraines, which I also suffer, so I'm currently working on that angle. After all, it's much more dignified to have your insurance company pay for your youthful glow than to shell out your credit card to a shady company who hired an excellent graphic designer.