Boys Don't Make Passes...

I wore glasses for a few years after college. Contact lenses and I do not get along, and the opthamalogical technology of 1999 was just not up to par with my cranky eye needs. So I wore glasses.

And like many girls in the early 00's who wore glasses, I was called Lisa Loeb by lame turds who thought it was clever to call girls with glasses Lisa Loeb. This grew old rather quickly, so I switched to contacts about four or five years ago. The contacts still bother me, but they are now mildly tolerable, as opposed to the searing sand particles of Y2K. I long for lasik.

Because I can't tolerate my contacts for more than a few days in a row, I sometimes wear my glasses during the week. Yesterday was one of those days. I wore my glasses throughout the day, and didn't feel any Loebier than I do on any other day. But my glasses definitely give me a little extra edge.

Let's back up for a minute.

My non-verbal cues are decidedly unfriendly. Throughout my life, I have never been approached at a bar or a networking event or even stopped on the street to be asked for directions. So I have decided that I look mean and unfriendly. Which is not necessarily true, unless it's hot and there are a million people breathing on me.

This is not a recent development either. I remember a trip to a bar in college with my two friends, Eryn and Erin. In the first few moments following our arrival, some girl approached Eryn to ask a question, and then a guy approached Erin to ask something else. What they were asking is beyond me. I've never been one to ask questions at a bar, other than "will you buy me a drink?" But the point is, these strangers approached the group of us, and chose to ask me nothing at all.

After this trip to the bar, I started to notice that strangers asked my friends all sorts of things, and no one ever bothered with me. A construction worker once heckled me, not with lewd comments or wolf-whistles, but with one simple word, "smile!"

So I must give off a nasty vibe. My aura is probably black.

But yesterday, in my glasses, three people asked me for directions on the subway. THREE! This is my all-time world record. I was so excited to be asked that I went out of my way to be extra helpful. Best informed tourists ever.

I may wear my glasses more often so I can yuk it up with the people. It will be great to help people who are lost downtown and to meet new people out on a Saturday night... unless it’s hot… and as long as they don’t start calling me Tina Fey.