Takeback the Morning

I am so over ESPN.

I am forced to watch ESPN every morning when I am getting ready for work. My husband does not understand the value of the morning weather or news, but he does see a profound beauty in watching the same episode of Sports Center that he saw the night before.

When we first moved in together, I tried to convert him from ESPN to the Today Show. But his hatred of Katie Couric prompted many a morning argument. In his defense, the Today Show is about 90% garbage. In my defense, that remaining 10% is chock-full of weather, news, and hilarious puns by Al Roker.

I then switched to NY1, because when you don’t have time to read the paper yourself, they do it for you. But Pat Keirnan was also annoying to my dear husband. Well then! You know what is annoying to me, buddy? You whining about morning news show anchors everyday! And so I gave up.

We've been watching ESPN in the morning for a few years now, and I have to say that it is the worst network ever. They are only concerned with two things: The Yankees and Brett Favre.

If you don't watch ESPN, you probably think I am exaggerating for comedic effect. If you do watch ESPN, you are rolling on the floor, doubled over with knowing laughter.

Brett Favre is everywhere. His retirement cock-tease has been all the rage on ESPN for years. Hell, I was even watching a game last weekend and one of the commentators kept dropping Favre’s name. ESPN must be on his payroll. All press is good press, right?

But the Favre issue is in now way as offensive as the Yankees phenomenon. As previously mentioned, I am over the Yankees. I was actually excited for this baseball season to end so I could stop hearing about the freakin' Yankees, their stadium, and their player’s martial affairs. Obviously, I knew all about the Yankee's last game of the season, and I was psyched. No playoffs= no more Yankees. But no.

ESPN did a 10-minute expose this morning about the Yankees NOT making the playoffs. Really? There is nothing else going all in the entire sporting world that you have to cover a team NOT doing something? This is quite possibly worse than "Who's Now?" (on-field success and off-field buzz)

Field of Dreams

So my husband bought a Yankees hat the other day and it makes me angry. The physical hat. It makes me mad.

First, I don't really like baseball. I find it boring and lame. I don't understand how people can find enjoyment in it. It's not even fun to play.

Second, I don't really understand why people wear sports clothes when they aren't watching a game. Sure, I have a McNabb jersey, but you won't see me wearing it to the Whole Foods in June.

And lastly, I hate people who like the Yankees. Sorry, but I'm judgmental.

I used to work for a guy who was a Yankees lunatic. He had a poster of Yankees Stadium in his office that listed the times they had won some kind of championship. He had a Yankees mug. He had an entire team of bobbleheads on his desk. And I guarantee that his office decor was just a small sampling of the Yankee haven that he calls home.

I honestly liked this guy, but when he started talking about the Yankees, he turned into a giant douche. And since then, I've noticed that most people become giant douches when talking about the Yankees.

I wonder if I lived in Boston if I would feel the same way about the Red Sox fans. Probably. It's not so much the Yankees per se, but more about what happens to the people who love the Yankees.

When D-Bags Attack!

I mean, it’s enough already! Enough with the Yankees and their dedicated cable TV network. Enough with Derek Jeter and his cheap cologne. Enough with the new stadium, which (as I was informed by CinS in a moment of Yankee clarity) is within spitting distance of the original stadium and being built to look exactly the same.

Please no more.

All of this rage and more are held within my husband's new hat. A hat that causes me to audibly retch each time he puts it on. A hat that he tried to wear out to dinner last night. A hat that was quickly replaced with a Mets hat as soon as I made my stank-face.