Foot Fetish

April is my favorite footwear month. Everyone is just so dang confused.

As a born-and-bred East Coaster, I have a twice-yearly ritual that generates serious mockery from my West Coast friends and those blessed with a larger closet. Each spring and fall I switch my closets, swapping my sweaters and wool socks for t-shirts and sandals. And once I switch, I refuse to go back.

You will not see me in boots after April 15. I don't care if there is a freak snow storm and my toilet water turns to ice, I will not wear a shoe that is higher than my ankle.

I do not wear flip-flops after October 1. I will cram my tootsies, sweating and gasping for air, into a closed-toe sneaker despite global warming.

But that's just me. Most of the universe is not so anal-retentive or closet-space-challenged.

Case in point, my ride to work today.

On the subway I saw many women, as I do each day. But today, the array of footwear was outrageously complex.

First there were the flip-floppers. The flip-floppers are girls after my own heart. They have clearly switched their closets for spring and are rocking peppy pedicures for their commute. I have an especially soft spot for the casual flip-floppers like myself, who prefer comfort to fashion for the grueling urban jungle.

I also spotted some fancy-flops. I personally do not wear flat shoes and am condemned to travel in flip-flops or sneakers, but those blessed with great gams wear enviably cute and comfortable flats all day long. The fancy-flops are a new find for me. These flip-flops are patent leather or metallic and are probably as painful as my heels but look deceptively comfortable.

Then there were the regular flats, which I find to be the most appropriate shoe for spring, but I don't wear them for fear of looking like a midget, so I will second the appropriateness of the flat with a peep-toe heel.

An interesting note on today's flats. I've seen a lot of flats with what looks like an elastic fabric "trim" around the foot area. I've seen so many the past few days that I thought it was some new, ugly shoe trend. And then it hit me. These girls are wearing peds! Like my mom used to wear because she thought they didn't show outside her shoe, but soon learned better. And I thought I was living in Manhattan!

There were still some sneaker girls, and although I switch from sneakers to flip-flops, I'm sure people with bunions or chipped toe-polish do not, so I will give them a pass.

All in all, I was pretty satisfied with the spring footwear today, but then the doors opened at 34th Street.

A train must have arrived from Canada, because just about every woman who got on the subway was wearing boots! It will be 77 degrees today. This is unacceptable!

I do NOT understand girls that wear sundresses and knee boots. Maybe I'm missing something.

Watch, I will meet my friends for happy hour tonight and they will all be in sundresses and knee boots. And I will eat my hat.

But the moral of the story is this. When you live in a deciduous forest, the seasons change. And your closet should change with them. If you don't like it, move to LA.